His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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