When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
