i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
