Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
