just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
