Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
