And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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