I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
