IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
