how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
