All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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