Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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