I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think my tv is drunk
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
