The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
