My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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