Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
