You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
