thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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