last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
