kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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