pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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