My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
