She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
