so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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