I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
