found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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