I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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