I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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