Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
