I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
