Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
