There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize