i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
