I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
