i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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