Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
