and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
