My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
