I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
