dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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