I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
