He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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