Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
