woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
