you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
