no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
