He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
