the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
