Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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