Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Vodka?
Forever.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
