So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
