dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
