it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
