so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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