my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
