I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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