I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
