She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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