will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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