Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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