i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
this hospital has no fireball
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
