She just used a chaser for red wine.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
