Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
