Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
