I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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